Are You Running Away From Love?
If you are a woman, single and over 25, you might have heard this sentence before “Are you running away from love?”
Sometimes it feels like, if a woman is not in a relationship there must be something wrong with her.
“How come you can’t find a man?”
“Oh, you are so sweet and beautiful, how come you are not taken?”
“Don’t you want babies?”
This pressure not only comes from society, but it also comes from your loved ones your family, or friends.
No wonder that there is so much pressure!
Even in movies, single women are frequently portrayed as a bit nutty and desperate for a man.
When they finally meet “the right guy” he makes everything right and life can finally begin for her.
There is just this idea that if you want to be “somebody” or a part of society. There has to be a man involved.
What people often forget is that when you are single. It is actually the best time for you to get to know yourself and enjoy life. There are no commitments, no stress, just time for you to be You and do whatever you want.
Go out with your friends, do yoga, and make something out of your day.
Don’t wait around for a man to fulfill your life, find fulfillment in yourself.
I remember when I was single. My mom was so eager for me to get married.
When I turned 30, It felt like I hit my expiration date.
Even in our group of friends. It felt like it was important, you had a boyfriend. If you weren’t dating there was something wrong with you.
There was this one incident…
One night while meeting with some friends, there were these two girls I hadn’t seen for a while.
One of them had just met a guy and was soon to be married. When they found out that I wasn’t seeing anyone or had plans on getting married anytime soon. They freaked out! (since I was in my 30s).
“You need to hurry up! Find a man. It will only get harder to find a good man the older you get!”
“Oh you are over 30 and you don’t have a guy in your life?
“My cousin was over 30 and so picky she wanted to wait for the right guy. Now she is 36 single can’t find a man. She is going to end up alone.
You need to hurry up if you don’t want to end up like her. “
At the moment, it felt like that poor girl’s life (and mine) was over.
The message was clear: if you don’t get married soon, OH THE HORROR you will end up alone.
Most of my youth was spent on finding the right guy.
It made me desperate, made me make some bad decisions, stressed me out, and made me really sad.
For the longest time. I thought that there was something wrong with me because there was so much pressure. Everybody around me had relationships, and I couldn’t find anyone who “wanted” me.
At one point I just got tired of it all. Tired of looking for a man, to please everybody around me, feeling bad about something that was out of my control.
I then decided it ended NOW.
No more looking for a man. I didn’t want to spend time waiting for the right guy or for someone who “might” want to marry me.
From there on it was just going to be me. I wanted to use that time to get to know myself and to like myself for the person I am.
No more seeking other people’s approval.
I just acknowledged that there might be a chance, that I might never get married. And that it was okay. When I talked to my mom about it, she got really upset. I was really sad about this realization too. I never thought that I would end up alone.
What followed was the best time of my life. When the desperation, angst, and fear were gone. I had so much time and energy to focus on other things.
Suddenly I didn’t need to impress anybody or dress up for someone, I did it for me.
I did whatever I wanted to do, there was no pressure, and all my time was spent on me.
I started learning and working with self-improvement, working out, and spending more time with my family and friends.
This period was spent on getting to know me and learning to love being in my own company.
I love my own company and still today I have days where I take time out just for myself.
I believe I was single for about 2-3 years, and I only have good memories from this time.
Then I met my husband, I got married, and had a kid. Everything went so fast, and everything just felt right. When I stopped looking for love, love found me.
The thing is when I chose to look at being single as something enjoyable and not something shameful, things started to change and I started to enjoy life.
Being single doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, that you are not out there, or that you are running away from love.
It just means that you might not be ready to meet someone and that you should use the time on yourself to heal and enjoy life.
Even if you are in your 30ties 40ties or 50ties, there is still plenty of time and men out there. You can still have a good life and enjoy yourself. Don’t let other’s expectations ruin your life, you have one life, and you need to make the most of it.
Learn to enjoy your own company and you will learn to love, respect, and believe in yourself and that you are worthy.
If you believe that you are worthy and deserve to be treated well then you’ll find someone who will treat you well.
If you don’t like your own company, think you are unworthy of love, or feel that you are not good enough. You will let someone in who will reflect that and will treat you badly.
When we desperately seek a guy, we are looking for someone to fulfill us, make us whole, and make us feel all those things we don’t feel in our own company. If you don’t respect yourself chances are that you’re going to meet someone who wouldn’t do it either.
The perfect time to learn to love yourself is now. When you are alone and can focus on yourself.
It will come as a surprise to you. How many people dislike being in their own company?
But being happy on your own is the foundation of a great relationship.
When you are at peace and love yourself, you are going to attract others on the same level as you. Someone who is also happy and content in their life. Another thing that annoyed the hell out of me was when people said, “he is going to come when you least expect it.”
When I was single, I was like whatever does it even mean?
When you least expect it, is when you are at a very good place in your life. You are happy, and content and you don’t need a man to make you happy.
You are sending out these great vibes and people are attracted to you because of this great energy.
When you are in a good place, you don’t compromise your happiness, you continue to live your life according to yourself. The man you attract will be a positive add-on to your life and not your whole life. This is what I believe makes the relationship stronger.
Remember, he fell in love with an independent woman who has her life together. Don’t go back to being dependent on him, there will be a time when he will withdraw a little to process things and be back.
If you are occupied with your life, the withdrawal wouldn’t be an issue for you, because you are happy and content with where you are. If, on the other hand, you are waiting around for him, it will hit you hard and can end up ruining your self-esteem and your relationship.
It’s all about YOU!
Don’t go looking for love, let love find YOU. It will come when you are ready. From my experience, when I created a change in my mind. I went from being powerless about my future to being IN power.
Read more about what to consider before committing.
Don’t despair, don’t hurry, or listen to what other people say.
You will meet someone when it’s the right time for you, so make the most out of the time you have right now.
Someday you will be looking back at all the time you had for yourself and believe me, you would rather have some great memories to look back at.