How To Deal With Toxic People
I have gotten a lot of questions on how to protect yourself from toxic friends or family members.
People you have to deal with daily how can you hold on to your energy so that you don’t get drained.
In short, if it doesn’t feel good it probably isn’t.
Now let’s try to find out why these people are like they are.
Read more about toxic behavior here.
The Jealous Type: Can’t be happy on others’ behalf, because they are not happy with what they have. The grass is always greener on the other side.
The Victim: Always hurting can’t and wouldn’t help themselves. They will always find a way to feel sorry or sad about themselves.
The Gossip: Not happy in their own lives. As an escape, they look for drama in other people’s lives.
The Blamer: Never takes responsibility for their own action, and will always blame others. Carry a long list of grudges about how you have wronged them.
The Drama: Wants everyone to like them, always seeking attention. They don’t see anything wrong in using and abusing others, while still believing they are good and decent human beings.
These persons are trying to get attention because they are hurting and are in some sort of pain. Often these persons are in more pain than they put you through.
Talking to you might be the relief of the day, but your feeling drained is not the solution.
Some might think “Well if they are hurting and I can help, I should be there for them. Because they are my friends or family.”
That is a very noble thought, and you are a good friend. But before you throw yourself into a rescue mission ask yourself this:
What is this friend doing to help them? Has this person listened to any of your advice? Has this person made any changes, or are they exactly where you left them?
If this friend hasn’t done anything to help themselves. Then they are there only to seek attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative. Attention is attention.
At this stage in their lives. It is a quest, they have to get the attention. What you can do is just be there for them with love and understanding of what they are going through.
Otherwise, you will be bringing your own energy down by stressing over them and obsessing over their helplessness.
If the person really wanted to change, they would try to change their circumstances. Recognize that, know and trust that the only person that is capable of helping them are themselves.
So what can you do to protect yourself from toxic people?
Set Boundaries: You are the only one who can set boundaries when enough is enough. Some of the signs could be you starting to get annoyed or feeling powerless. Nothing you say makes a difference. If you get angry, or uncomfortable then say stop!
Either walk away or if you are on the phone hang up. Redirect your energy.
Refocus the Energy: If you are hanging out with your friend and she keeps putting herself down, try to bring up the good things about her. What makes her wonderful?
If your friends or a family member puts you down, then be honest and say no to bad behavior, tell them that it is not okay!
If you keep pretending that bad behavior is okay, it will only continue.
Eliminate the toxic: I often hear “Yer but she is family, I can’t avoid seeing her or him or them”.
It can be really hard to ignore family members or let them go. Often it is not even an option.
What can you do instead?
Shift the energy. You can do a little exercise to shift your focus from annoyance to actually liking this person. For 21-30 days write down 5 things you like or appreciate about this person.
As you proceed you can write down more things you are grateful for. This shift in your focus will help you better relate to this person and have more tolerance and acceptance of them.
When your energy shifts from annoyance to acceptance, it will also be easier for you to communicate boundaries with this person.
Read more about Stop being the victim and take control.
What you have to remember from all of this is that you are responsible for taking care of your energy. It affects your way of thinking, your self-esteem, and the decisions that you make.
If you want to be happy, be successful, and want to create a good life. Then you need to make sure the people you surround yourself with, vibe on the same level or higher than you.
Choose the people you spend time with wisely, because…
You’re The Average Of
The Five People
You Spend The Most Time With.