When we raise kids we tend to raise boys and girls differently.
Raising girls we give them dolls to play with, they get stereotypically handed stories about princesses whose only aspiration is to marry the prince.
A lot of girls grow up thinking the most important aim in life for them is to find a man and live happily ever after.

Boys, on the other hand, are taught since childhood not to show weakness. They are not supposed to show their emotions, boys don’t cry or feel things. They have to be tough, to be a provider and take care of the family.

Understand that this is of course not the case with every boy/man or every girl/woman.But on a bigger scale, the norms that are pushed on to kids of different genders do differ quite a lot. We are molded by society, and society is not just.

Growing up it seems like the only goal a woman had in life was to get married and get kids. I remember spending most of my youth looking for “The One”, which gave me a lot of pain and bad experiences since there are a lot of confused guys out there.

Come to think of it, why wouldn’t they be?
Many men since childhood have been putting their feeling aside so when they grow up they lose their ability to feel what’s going on inside, and they can’t identify with their feelings and they become confused.

Read more about the importance of kids believing in themselves.

I often wonder what I could have done if I hadn’t been busy looking for Mr. Right. What couldn’t women do if their aim (by outer force) wasn’t to find the One?

I know a lot of guys who used their time to build something, to become something. That was their main focus. They didn’t use energy to think about steady relationships or marriage until later. They took it easy and if they happen to get into a relationship they wanted, things often evolved in the right direction.

It is different with girls. In my pursuit of the One and only, I noticed just how much competition there was between girls, even between good friends:

• There was that classic beautiful girl that got all the attention and the ugly sidekick.
• Then there was that group of friends that seems to care but still manage to put subtle pressure on their peers to be in  a  relationship to prove to belong to the clique.
• That good friend that loves attention from everybody and would even betray her best friend to get it.

Then there are the other outer pressures from the society and different communities in society about how we should behave, aspire to and how we should look.

Funny thing is, that even with all the knowledge we have nowadays, we still put up unrealistic standards for women to follow to get herself a man. Like she is worthless without a man by her side. Like she can not handle the world on her own.

We still have photoshopped photos on magazines which teach young girls what twisted ways they need to change their bodies.
Why do we focus on building a society where girls success equals things like no cellulite’s, no body hair, having the perfect body and willingness to flaunt it in all types of media.

If they don’t fit the standard, there is something wrong with them, she is “so weird” or a “nerd”.
They are teased, bullied and have their self-esteem shredded. Why do we teach competition instead of acceptance of being different?

Read more about a young girl’s struggle to fit in.

We as parents need to build up our kids self-esteem. We need to teach them to be in tune with themselves, that everything they ever need is inside of them. They are a person that is worth loving, just like they are or feel. They need to be told that they should go after their dream, and if they work hard they can be successful in anything they want. With a man or a woman by their side IF THEY WANT TO.

What can I do?

I have never thought about the importance of loving yourself. I knew that you have to love yourself, but not what it really meant.
When I was pregnant, I start thinking about what kind of a world would I be welcoming my son into?
With everything you read in the media, about terror, no pensions, unemployment, climate change, racism, and young kids ruining their life by sending nudes and video of each other, the world became scary very fast.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what I could do to change the world. How could I protect my child?
What came to me was that I need to build up my kid’s core so much, that he wouldn’t have the need for approval from the outer world.

So I wrote 8 books for my (back then) unborn children, about;
Gratitude
Encouragement
Positive Outlook
Imagination as a visualizing tool
Give and receive
Affirmations
Believe
Process sorrow.

I wrote these books to help to build up a strong core in my kids, so they would always stay strong and confident in their abilities.

I chose to publish these books so that they could be a help to other parents, that wants to build a strong core in their children. We need to help our kids love themselves already at a very young age, It has to become a natural part of them.

So whenever they stand in a situation that makes them insecure, they’ll find the strength in themselves to overcome it.