Don’t yell – tell

You shouldn’t yell at your children and you shouldn’t say “No” all the time. We hear this advice backed up by psychologists all the time, and yet it happens time and time again.

I think a lot of people believe in raising kids the way their parents raised them, or what has worked since early times.
There is also a new fear arising, that we don’t want to be a too soft parent, or even worse a curling parent.

Newsflash: kids don’t get spoiled or “lazy” by love and understanding.
It is not kids but adults that have to learn to set boundaries and teach right from wrong.

There is so much research done in this field and there is so much new information coming up. That teaches us how to raise strong kids without ruining their self-worth.

Read more about how to raise strong kids in a mad world.

One thing that really throws me off is; when a parent chooses to loudly yell at their kids in public or start correcting them.
Don’t do that!
It is a devastating experience for the child and also for the surrounding watching without being able to interfere.
Nobody likes to be disciplined in public and children are no different from adults in this area. This is backed up by research lead by Danish psychologist and researcher Erik Sigsgaard.
It is a very devastating experience for them and very destructive for their self-esteem.

I would lie if I said that I haven’t yelled at my son, I have. I Think this is something a lot of parents can recognize doing when getting frustrated.

But most of the time in our family, we sit down and try to talk and explain things to him.
At three years of age, it is not always that he can comprehend situations and can start crying if he doesn’t get his way, and we let him cry.

It’s important for him to get his frustrations out and be able to feel what he is feeling. We are right there by his side if he needs to be held or needs a hug. We are right there to comfort him so that he knows that it is ok to feel the way he is feeling and that mommy and daddy are there for him regardless.

Second thing I have noticed is; that some parents aren’t that good at letting their children be a part of the decision making process.
Often they make the decision for the child and veto with “because I’m in charge”.
Of course, not all decisions can be left to the children as it will overwhelm and stress them out.
But children that have been taught to make small decisions here and there, learn earlier on to make good decisions and are not as often a victim of peer pressure or in need of acceptance from others, research has shown.
It is also a self-esteem boost for them to able to choose and have the opportunity to make a choice.

In our house, my son chooses what he wants for breakfast, the clothes he wants to wear, how he wants to style his hair and what to do after Nursery.

Everything is presented with options to choose from, and I have noticed that it is a booster for him to be a part of the decision-making process.
Even when he makes “bad choices”, he sort of taking ownership of his choices and I think it is a very important skill to have.

Thirdly, as children grow from infants to toddlers, it seems like the level of affection parents shows their kids drop. Toddlers are treated like little adults and need to be taught responsibility and it especially happens after they get siblings.

Research has shown that children that still get a lot of affection from their parents (especially the mother, like kisses and hugs) are more likely to grow up and become happy individuals with a high self-esteem and less prone to anxiety.
Children that are shown less affection have a tendency to have lower self-esteem. Worst case, they feel neglected which result in both health and emotional issues throughout their lives.

Read more about the importance of kids believing in themselves.

A lot of people think, that giving kids too much love spoil them, make them dependent and parents have to carry them through life. This is not true, you can give your child a lot of love, affection and still be able to teach them to be independent, responsible, compassionate that is love too, and it is taught by example.
So give your child a lot of love, hugs, and kisses and of course, always respect their boundaries.

It is not what you do for your children,
but what you have taught them to do for themselves,
that makes them successful human beings.

      Ann Landers

Our family is very affectionate and our boy is surrounded by constant love and affection.
We don’t believe in such thing as “too much love”, there is always room for more.
By showing him love, spend quality time with him and tell him how wonderful he is.
We lead by example and we have a very happy and caring kid.

It is noticeable that he is very outgoing and attentive towards others.
Even his teachers at the Nursery have noticed that he is very affectionate. He is really good at giving the teachers hugs if they lack energy and if he sees some of the kids being sad, he is the first one to comfort.

Nowadays there is so much knowledge about how to give our children the best start in life, all you have to do is to find what works for your family. As long as you got your child’s best interest in mind, you can’t go wrong.

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