Are You Running Away From Love?
If you are a woman, single and over 25, you might have heard this sentence before “are you running away from love?”
Sometimes it feels like, if a woman is not in a relationship there must be something wrong with her.
“How come you can’t find a man?”
“Oh, you are so sweet and beautiful, how come you are not taken?”
“Don’t you want babies?”
This pressure not only comes from the society, it also comes from your loved ones your family or friends.
No wonder that there is so much pressure!
Even in movies, single women are frequently portrayed a bit nutty and longing for a man.
When they finally meet “the right guy” then he makes everything right and life can finally begin for her.
There is just this idea that if you want to be “somebody” or a part of society, there has to be a man involved.
What people often forget is that when you are single, this is actually the best time for you to get to know yourself, and enjoy life. There are no commitments, no stress, it is actually the time for you to just be You and do whatever you want.
Get together with your friends, do yoga, make something out of your day.
Don’t wait around for a man to fulfill your life, find fulfillment in yourself.
I remember when I was single. My mom was after me constantly about getting married.
When I turned 30, my expiration date had run out.
Even in our friend’s group, it was important that you had a guy, if not it was because you couldn’t get any.
I remember an episode specifically.
One night when I was meeting with some friends and there were these two girls I haven’t seen for a while.
One of them had met a guy and was soon to be married, and when they found out that I wasn’t seeing anyone or had plans on getting married anytime soon, they freaked out (especially since I was in my 30s).
“You need to hurry and find a man, it will only get harder to find a good man the older you get!”
“Oh you are 30 and you don’t have a guy in your life?
“My cousin was over 30 and so picky she wanted to wait for the right guy. Now she is 36 and single, can’t find a man, she is going to end up alone.
You need to hurry up if you don’t want to end up like her. ”
It really felt like that poor girl’s life (and mine) was over.
The message was clear: if you don’t get married soon, OH THE HORROR you will end up alone.
Most of my youth was spent on finding the right guy.
It made me desperate, it made me take some bad decisions, it stressed me out and made me really sad.
For the longest time, I thought that there was something wrong with me because there was so much pressure, everybody around me was in relationships and I couldn’t seem to find anybody who “wanted” me.
At one point I just got tired of it all, tired of looking for a man, to please everybody around me, and feeling bad about something that was out of my control.
I decided that this ends NOW.
I’m not looking for a man anymore. I don’t want to spend more time waiting for the right guy or waiting for someone who “might” wanted to marry me.
From now on it is just going to be me and I wanted to use this time to get to know me and to like myself for the person I am.
No more seeking other peoples approval.
I just acknowledged that there might be a chance, that I might never get married and that just how it was going to be. When I talked to my mom about it and I remember she got really upset and I was really sad about this realization. I never thought that I would ever end up alone.
What followed was some of the best time of my life. When the worst was over, I had so much time and energy to focus on anything I wanted.
Suddenly I didn’t need to impress anybody, no need to dress to impress, I did it for me.
I did whatever I wanted to do, there was no pressure, all my time I could spend on just me.
I start learning and working with self-improvement, working out, spend more time with my family and friends.
This period was spent on getting to know me and learning to love being in my own company.
I love my own company and still today I have days where I take time out just for myself.
I believe I was single for about 2-3 years, and I only have good memories from this time.
Then I met my husband, I got married and had a kid. Everything went so fast, and everything just felt right. When I stopped looking for love, love found me.
The thing is when I chose to look at being single as something enjoyable and not something shameful, things started to change and I started to enjoy life.
Being single doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you, or you are not out there or that you are running away from love. It just means that you might not be ready to meet someone and that you should use the time on yourself to heal or just enjoy.
Even if you are in your 30ties 40ties or 50ties, there are still plenty of time and men out there, you can still have a good life and enjoy yourself. Don’t let other’s expectations ruin your life, you have one life, you need to make the most of it.
Learn to enjoy your own company and you will learn to love, respect and believe in yourself and that you are worthy.
If you believe that you are worthy and deserve to be treated well then you’ll find someone who will treat you well.
If you don’t like your own company or think you are not worthy of love or feel you are not good enough, you’ll let someone in that will reflect that and will treat you bad.
When we desperately search for a guy, we are looking for someone to fulfill us, make us whole and make us feel all those things we don’t feel in our own company. If you don’t like yourself chances are that you’re gonna meet someone that is going to bring that forth in you.
The perfect time is now when you are alone and can focus on yourself.
It would surprise you how many people dislike being in their own company, but being happy on your own is the foundation of inner peace and acceptance.
When you are at peace and love yourself, you are going to attract others on the same level someone who is also happy and content in their life.
Another thing that annoyed the hell out of me was when people said stuff like, “he is going to come when you least expect it.”
When I was single, I was like whatever does it even mean?
When you least expect it, is the time where you are at a very good place in your life. You are happy, content and you don’t need a man to make you happy.
You are sending out this great vibe and people are attracted to you by this great energy you are sending out.
When you are in a good place, you don’t compromise your happiness, you continue to live your life according to yourself. He will just be a positive add-on to your life and not your whole life. This is what I believe makes the relationship stronger.
Remember, he fell in love with an independent woman who has her life together. Don’t go back to be dependent on him, there will be a time where he will withdraw a little to process things and be back.
If you are occupied with your life, the withdrawal wouldn’t be an issue for you, because you are happy and content where you are. If, on the other hand, you are waiting around for him, it will hit you hard and can end up ruining your relationship.
Its all about YOU!
Don’t go looking for love, let love find YOU instead. It will come when you are ready. I know it from myself when I created a change in my mindset, I went from powerless over my future to being IN power.
Read more about what to consider before comitting.
Avoid getting desperate, don’t hurry or listen to what other people are analyzing or telling you to do.
You will meet someone when it is the right time for you, so make the most out of the time you have right now.
Someday you will be looking back at all the time you had for yourself and my believe is that you would rather have some great memories to remember.